"I have a very painful secret"

Dear Father Phil,

I really dont know how to start so that you can understand and help me. It might take long to tell all about me, but I make it as short as I can as my introduction to you.

I was born Catholic and came to live in the US 10 years ago from South East Asia. People (including my parents and siblings) think I am a very successful person with a good personality. However, I have a very painful secret; I am struggling with my sexuality. In fact, I have had SSA since I was young, but I denied and ignored it because I naively hoped that the feeling is normal stage of development and will be gone when I get older. That is why I just focus on my studying and career instead of dealing directly with my sexuality. However, the doubt, and shame always haunt me and isolate me from close relationship with church as well as other people.

Now at the age of 30, the doubt is still there. I am more confused, depressed, and shameful than ever. I want to find out who I really am. I am writing to ask for your guidance for me to resolve the conflict that I have.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Thank you very much for your time.




Dear John,

You are a much loved child of God, also a sinner forgiven and redeemed by the Blood of Jesus. As well you have been given some beautiful gifts (intelligence, personality, etc.) which God wishes you to use for the service of your brothers and sisters. And you have a special cross in the same sex attractions you are experiencing. If you are near a Courage group, please give them a try. Courage has a website. Also try to find a priest, or some other person of trust, to talk to. You are in my prayers, John. God bless,

Fr. Phil


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