I would first would like to begin this letter by introducing myself. I'm...in college majoring in the sciences. I never really had a boyfriend when I lived with my parents because they were and still are strict people.
So when I moved out to attend college up north I became independent. Well, that didn't last too long because I met my boyfriend and I fell in love with him. How could I not? He was a business man who made a lot of money and bought me everything a girl dreams of. I never had had such valuable things in my life and so it was all like a dream.
After 3 months of being together I lost my virginity to him...I started having morning sickness and I got worried. I knew I was pregnant but I guess I was in denial. That was the last thing I ever wanted to be. I have always been pro-life, but the circumstances I was in wasn't exactly the environment I dreamed of my child to live in.
At two months pregnant, I had an abortion. I didn't want to have the abortion but my boyfriend wasn't anymore financially stable since he had spent too much money on us. We were living with roommates (because we couldn't afford our own place any longer) who smoke weed everyday (we don't do drugs) but I just didn't want my son growing up there. I didn't want to get behind in school and I didn't want to take my stress out on the child.
I always dreamed of my child having everything I didn't have. I always wanted my child to have two educated parents, not just one. Plus his meals, doctor visits, medicine, child care, etc...how could I afford it?I thought about having it but I knew my parents wouldn't be supportive. They see me so innocent and I didn't want to ruin my reputation in the family.
So now I feel lost ...I don't really know who I am anymore. I haven't been able to forgive myself and I'm so scared of going to confession. I'm afraid the priest won't understand and tell me that I can't receive the holy communion anymore.
The only person who knows about this is my bf but I can't really talk to him because he is never really open with me. He always has a hard time expressing himself.
What should I do? How can I find myself again? I no longer have sexual intercourse because I never again want to have another abortion. I want to save myself till I am prepared to become a parent, because I've learned that having sex means being ready to become a mom or a dad.
Lost and Confused
I am sorry to be so slow in writing back. You have been in my prayers since I read your email, but I am sometimes just disorganized. I hope that by now you have talked with a priest. If you are in the Seattle area, I will be available in the confessional tomorrow (first Thursday) from 1 p.m. to 8 p.m. I am sure any priest would try to show Jesus' compassion, but most important he would be a channel of his healing & forgiveness which you need more than anything else.
Again, you are in my prayers. Come home.
Fr. Phil Bloom
Testimony of Liane: Post-Abortion Healing
To A Woman Who Had An Abortion (Words of Pope John Paul II)
How Do I Go to Confession?